Lauren in Edinburgh: chapter three
Hello again! And Happy New Year!
Since writing my last blog I got to go home for the holidays and had a green Christmas in jolly ole FL, packed my suitcase full of brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts and Annie’s Mac & Cheese (two of my fav things that are sadly not widely available in Scotland) and headed back to chilly Edinburgh.
Plus, a few of my fellow MA Screenwriting pals managed to find both this blog and my YouTube channel (which consists of shakily filmed sketches I did in college and in quarantine). I definitely found this super fun and exciting and totally not embarrassing at all. Hey guys! Thanks for the subs, I mean subscribing, not sandwiches, but I mean feel free to get me one of those too…
I’m super happy to be back and see everybody again. Classes started last week and I was thrilled that we spent one of our classes watching an episode of Emily in Paris and analyzing it. This was my second watch and I gotta say I’m a fan. I too would describe Paris as “just like Ratatouille”, because it really is.
Even though I was excited to see everybody and get back into the swing of things, I couldn’t help but go down a spiral of doom thinking about what post-grad is going to look like, trying to navigate job hunting in the UK TV industry. I even panic signed up for several extra job websites, so who knows. Maybe you’ll see me as a background Hobbit in the new TV version of the Hobbit. Ah… a woman can only dream.
Not to get all emo on you, dear reader. But there is something about being in grad- school at 24 years old, not having accomplished what I wanted to by this age. Which sounds very very silly, I know, I know, I’m not 74, there’s still time! When you’re a kid you always imagine yourself as a full-blown adult by the age of 20, with a job and a dog and money and an understanding of taxes (listen, I think people who say they understand taxes are just liars). These are things I sadly do not have. Am I allowed to say I’m in the midst of a quarter-life crisis if I’m only 24? Or do I have to say I’m having a quarter-ish life crisis? I’m having two dimes and four pennies worth of a crisis. There. Nailed it.
Seeing all my closest friends move up in their professional careers, while I’m still starting out has made me feel like a bit of an imposter. I love them and am so proud! Don’t get me wrong, but… I have a recurring nightmare that I live in my parents’ basement at the age of 40, which would be literally impossible because there are no basements in Florida. Even my nightmares are unachievable.
BUT there’s always a BUT. I think this is normal.
** SPOILER ALERT: I’m about to reference a depressing scene from the movie One Day starring Anne Hathaway with a British Accent.
In fact, I’d be worried if things were going too good, because, that’s when shit really hits the fan in movies (AKA the scene where Anne Hathaway gets hit by a bus in the movie One Day… sorry for the spoiler, but now you won’t be scarred by this scene like I was).
I try to remind myself that personal crises are character-building. It's in moments of doubt and insecurity that the main protagonist decides to take control of their life to the tune of a very fun, upbeat song that probably costs a lot of money to get clearance to use.
While I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut, unsure of how my life after school/ my further adventures in Scotland will shape my career in TV, I’m so grateful to have this time across the pond to not only learn more about who I am as a writer, but also to experience all sorts of new people and perspectives. I mean, just seeing how people here are towards Americans has been an adventure in itself.
For instance, I went to ASDA not too long ago (A.k.a. British Walmart) and the man at the register said, “Americans are always saying, ‘You got a beautiful home’ and ‘Have a great day!’” I will admit, he literally cut me off as I was about to say, “Have a good day” because, sue me! I did want him to have a good day. So, fine, he got me there. But it’s these small moments that remind me what a unique privilege it is to be here in Edinburgh, studying what I love, on a scholarship. And as far as the future goes, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, it’s important to remember that the grass is always greener on the other side, so if you feel slightly hopeless trying to break into the industry, just know that a lot of the people you admire once felt like that too (I mean the one’s that don’t have famous relatives or rich parents). Also, that kind of sounded like I was implying that you admire me, you definitely don’t have to, but you know, unless you want to.
Alright well, I’m going to go eat a Pop-Tart now… catch you on the flippity flip… the flip side.
